because I can

Well, after two years and a total of 19 years of school, I have finally finished my masters. I set out a long time ago with a list knowing that the only thing in life that could keep me from achieving my goals was my own fear. Today I have climbed mountains with bare hands, walked on water in the pacific, I free fell from 2 and 1/2 miles above the earth's surface, I walked the Roman streets, navigated Venetian channels and circled the David, I have crossed finish line after finish line, ran, swam and biked more miles than I care to count, gained new friends and lost old ones. I have conquered my fears daily knowing that life is too short to not dream. And now at 25 I have finished my masters degree and have no notion of slowing down.

We lost Rick 11 years ago this Sept. 18th, and I am far from the scared 14 year old girl I was then. In fact none of us are as we were 11 years ago. But personally, I have learned to live because I have been given a simple gift of life. I learned that no one is immune from pain, everyone has a sad story and it is what we do with these visions that either make or break us. Do we get out of bed in the morning or do we fear the unknown? This year, we lost bella and dad totaled the car, the two things that embodied Rick. I learned that sometimes, no matter how much we want to run eventually we all face things we don't want to. Within three weeks, dad was in the hospital, we lost the last tangible items of Rick, and most sadly we lost Tony, a great, wonderful and powerful man who never lost his smile even as he breathed his last breath, a lesson we should all learn. All of this reminded us just how small we are, how control is beyond us and there is a plan that is a guiding hand, our fates are intertwined and we love, hurt, breath, sing as one soul.

And yet this year we gained the first grandchild, learned hard lessons about who we are and what we want in life and in others, and celebrated two addition wedding anniversaries Sarafina/Jason, Toby/Jac among the 4 powerful ones of Lisa/Joel, TJ/Susan, Diane/Roger and Grandma and Grandpa at 62 years. First houses have been bought which make first homes, illnesses have been conquered, love has persevered. Nothing about any of these lives has been perfect, but the faith has remained just as the faith in each other has strengthened us year after year despite each suffering personal and family crisis. And despite gaining a masters, I have learned nothing there that my family has not already taught me every single day of my life. I have not gained anything that you haven't all gained in your daily triumphs, loves and losses. And yet we learn that loss is never personal, loss is never a solitary act for we find love and strength in our family and friends and today I have more connections and power in my relationships with those who matter the absolute most, the loves of my life, and the experience and the memories of those who watch over us from above.

I may have finished a personal milestone, but it you who deserves the credit, it is you who has accomplished a dream for I am all of you and with out all of you I would have never made it. You come to me in different forms, parents, cousins, aunts and uncles, through marriage, through friendship, though loss, in strength and in weakness, there has never been a moment where anyone has given up on anyone else, never not turned around when called to come back, offered a helping hand when down on a knee, offered a shoulder to cry on or an embrace. And these things are always planned the timing is perfect, just those chance meetings that lead to a soul mate or connection that yielded greatness and dynamic sparks that ignited a lifetime, just as the timing of this huge occasion has been placed appropriately for me. Nothing is easy, not ever, but, not once has anyone ever given up on what we all know is a bond that helps us achieve the smallest to the larges feats.

And so we honor of those who have been lost but not forgotten along the way, the goals reached, the milestones accomplished, the love gained and the love lost in all of you, everyday, for ever second when we think of it or when we don't. I could never put into words how much I love you all, how much you mean to me and the strength you have given me, and how you have helped me accomplish my dreams. Take a moment to tell someone you love them, to tell them you are proud of them, you miss them, you are sorry, to say congratulations, to offer an unexpected compliment, or to tell them you are thinking about them. We are all reaching goals each day big and small, all of them important and it is important that we know that regardless, we have the support of all of those around us despite our separate situations and when it counts we are all in for the fight.
Thank you all so much, I love you with all of my heart, I am sorry if I have neglected, acted out, mistreated, forgot, mis-spoke, or misjudged, at the end of the day, I loved you, and I always will regardless of where you are, if we have talked or it has been awhile. You mean the world to me and there will always been the good and the bad, the dark and the light but as I always say, there will be days of clarity and days of sorrow, but all days are worth while in the journey. So thank you, Thank you so much.
My love,
Lacy

All I need

My favorite part of the day is when I slip on my running shoes. I feel them lace up around my foot perfectly, I know the miles they hold. We just run and they understand me and we share the pain and the strength. They become slightly worn each time we meet, their soles are left on the road and they know its a love hate/relationship between us. They don't care if my clothes match or if my hair is done, they just beg for the punishment of the pavement, a sentence I gladly give them with each step.
They don't judge my gender, they don't care if I am emotional or if my nails are painted. We just run and they know my sweat and blood, those moments of triumph and they always fit no matter what. Like a good friend they never judge and have learned how to deal with me when I am having a bad day. It is the heat of steps that bond us, even though I understand they have a short life and I must reacquaint myself with another pair eventually. But we don't speak of that, we don't speak of anything, we just run, in the sun and in the rain, we each release a sigh of relief to know that for that short time we are together no one will tell us what to do or how to do it, where to go or that we aren't good enough. We just run, through the good days and the bad, and without having to tell them, they know that they are the best part of my day.

Check out:

New Music finds -

Eric Halter: Something's Come Over Me

Tony Lucca: Death of Me

Obadiah Parker: Hey Ya

Duffy: Save it For Your Prayers

Movement

Well, it is the Sunday before my last week of school. If all goes well, I will be done with everything by Friday Aug 29, 2008. I have pretty much spent the last 19/20 years in school to get to this point. I have no plans but hundreds of ideas, each day brings new thoughts of adventures and possibilities and fear too! I wonder if I am capable of the things my degree suggests I am, if the job market will be friendly and if I will find a job that will be worth getting out of bed for each morning. But I also know that there is nothing outside of my grasp and I can achieve and do pretty much anything I set my mind to. I am proud and excited and scared as hell, and I cannot wait to see what happens.

This next couple of months will be full of unknows and struggles, challenges and opportunities all waiting for me!

I would not have been able to do anything that I have without the love, support and strength of my friends and family! Thank you :-)

I wanted to leave you with a couple of songs I have been listening to:

Celtic Thunder's "The Island"
Mae's "Brink of Disaster"
Corinne Bailey Ray's "Like a Star"

Well, I guess there is nothing left to do but dive in!
Much love!
Baci,
L

Nelson Mandela:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-Mandela