Lets not chase...

I wonder. Sometimes I feel we live our lives chasing death. We measure in terms of how many years we have left, the next 20 years of work or spending the next 50 years with someone. We measure in money, I can't because I don't have the cash, or its too expensive, limiting our selves of experiences and memories and living for money we can't take with us.. chasing death instead of chasing life.

I went on a run yesterday, and it took me a good long while to finally achieve what I was looking for. Not a great run, not exercise or fatigue, but the realization I have been looking for. The last couple of days have been cloudy and mediocre at best, my own doing of course. I allowed myself to get angry at something I should have let go a long time ago. And while I needed to have that emotion, I dwelled too long and too hard. I was angry at something that was not my fault but something that has continued to have a negative affect on me rather than the person who hurt my heart. This person continues to have no repercussions for his actions and this made me angry because it affect my relationships with others. A perfect example of nonlinear actions.

But yesterday, I reached the top of that hill, with my music in my ears, my thoughts in my head, out of breath, tired, hurting and then I hear it. I saw it, I felt it.....

This what I discovered. 1) We must not chase death, but rather live our lives, and 2) If I force myself into something that doesn't work, I am trying to walk a path other than the one already set for me. If something isn't going the way I planned, I can not force it, but rather stay on course, stay strong, keep my head up and move forward in the direction life leads me. We all have our windows of opportunity, we see them, we can take them. If we do not have a certain view at a certain time, it is not the right moment and we must wait for what feels good, makes sense and presents itself to us.

I realize this is all just a jumble of thoughts and words that tumble outta my head and on to, at the moment, this computer LOL

I suppose these things don't make sense to anyone else, but, my brain made an important connection and I hope it speaks something to you...

baci